Jun 25

Jun 25 Houseplants Style & Variety ~ A What To Grow & Where To Buy Them Consumer Review.

Gardening, Interior Design, Travel, Memoir

I spent twenty years telling people twenty times a day who lived in flats that “No, it won’t grow inside” and now I’m doing it to myself. Karma.

Obviously it’s still true, cats, plants and people are healthiest outside, but we are evolving as a culture and a household. I certainly don’t want to go outside anymore, it’s horrible, and I can’t unpick Begonia’s claws from the sofa to drag her outdoors, we’ve booth seen too much, so we’re staying in and so are the plants.

I’m still haunted by the memory of the transparent ghostly figure of the spindly scented geranium that stood tall and leggy at the bottom of my nana’s stairs, desperately reaching out for a glimpse of daylight when the front door opened and dutifully emitting a whiff of eau de disinfectant when someone brushed by on the way in or out.

Houseplants, and I, have moved on since then. I’ve been amazed at the range available in the supermarkets and garden centres and I’ve complied my own consumer guide based on variety, quality and price.

From best to worst:

1. MORRISONS - Top of the list by a county mile. Their houseplant range starts at £1 and goes up to £15. Including an amazing range of sturdy standards like prayer plants, spider plants and succulents for a pound, to incredibly unusual and exotic varieties like the Philippine Orchid (£12 inc ceramic pot), Flamingo Plant £5, Fig Trees £3 and Rubber Plant £3 . The price and quality are outstanding and results have been excellent.

Philippine Orchid - Medinilla Magnifica is epiphytic, meaning it grows on other trees and takes it water source from the air, is not scented and has produced incredible flowers with lots of seeds. It seems to be happy, but I must get a water spray for it.

Philippine Orchid Flower - Medinilla Magnifica

2. TESCO - Good, reliable range of healthy plants at £2.50 including ferns, weeping figs and a coffee plant. I’ve had excellent results and strong growth from all. Good stuff.

Coffee plant - Coffea Arabica as a houseplant is known to be quite particular about where it likes to sit, but so far it is happy and producing an abundance of healthy, shiny green leaves. I’m not holding out for any coffee beans, but that’s ok, I like tea.

3. ALDI - Fair to middling at £1.79, sporadic like the middle aisle, but not a bad range when in stock. They are a little weak but once you get them home and into some daylight with love and support they quickly turn into stronger plants.

Dumbcane and Arrowhead Plant or Goosfoot - both tropical and originated in the Mexico region. Very easy to grow as a houseplant and provide lovely interesting texture in both leaf-shape and variegation.

Dumbcane and Arrow Head Houseplant old faithfuls.

4. DOBBIES - Poor. Obscenely over-priced for no explicable reason from £2.49 to a mortgage. The houseplant range is varied and they are quite well established, but nothing you couldn’t get from other suppliers if you shopped around and struck lucky. I bought a tiny little pink thing from their indoor section for £2.49 which hasn’t grown one leaf and had a slug in the soil. Not happy. I did buy a Banana Palm from the outdoor range and some mixed begonias, both of which I’m defying the laws of nature and I’ve got inside and are doing ok.

Banana Palm - Ensete Ventricosum Maurelli, Musa Red Abyssinian Palm looks well, it’s a tropical ornamental and needs ‘more space’, ‘more water’ and ‘more food’. The leaves are huge and velvety and if it reaches it’s full height of 23 feet I’ll have to cut a hole in the bedroom ceiling or the floor. I’m hoping to keep it going through the winter indoors, but we’ll see how it feels about Christmas.

An indoor outdoor bronze leaved Begonia against “Begonia” wallpaper - never enough Begonia.

5. B&Q - Terrible. Not even worth the clearance price, never mind the full price. Weak, dead-inside plants, often infested and fail to grow. I have had one success with a Monstera Deliciosa “Cheese Plant” which I bought as a baby and it grew big and strong. Their outdoor range is much better.

Cheese Plant - Monstera Deliciosa lived up to its name. It is big and tasty and Begonia learned very quickly that crunching the precious leaves in my ear at 5am would wake me from the deepest sleep and get me out of bed and into the kitchen for a cheese free breakfast. It’s also a 1970’s dream if you’re a writer’s feline muse and need a photogenic backdrop.

Note: I try to give them as much natural daylight as possible, I water regularly, but don’t let them stand in water and feed once a month with a weak solution of Maxicrop liquid seaweed.