Jan 27

Jan 27 Combatting Rage & Historic Injustice ~ Or How To Calm An Angry Woman With 80's Craft

Art & Culture, Cats, Interior Design, Lifestyle, Memoir, Travel

When confronted with insidious international institutional injustice, some women turn to religion or yoga or crime, I saddle-up my my fiery Mazda George Michael and blaze a trail to the charity shops in search of the holy grail.

It was Monday, again, and by 10 am I had already been threatened and gaslighted by some teenage dirtbag in a call centre in the septic tank end of San Fransisco’s silicone death valley, again, who simultaneously just kept repeating my technical question with a “so” added to the front of it and answering it with a sinister Doctor Crippenesque: “I’m only trying to help you Betty”.

Consumed with internalised rage and silent frustration from a lifetime of poor quality misogyny and unanswered questions, I self-medicated myself by manically inhaling too many litres of Pepsi max, a pint of strong tea and a caffeine coated paracetamol. It didn’t work, I felt horrendous, bordered on a panic attack, so I screamed all the way to Waterloo.

I pulled in to do the charity shops on Waterloo high street and my first stop was the gloomy one by the traffic lights. It’s a bit sparse in there and very low quality, but I spotted a set of perfectly complete binders full of sewing, knitting, crafting ideas and patterns from 1979 called “Busy Needles” and mentally poked one in the eye of the vine weevil in the call centre. What a bounty!

A compendium of vintage fashion and craft therapy - Busy Needles, Marshall Cavendish.

I loitered around them on the floor, had a shuffle through, saw the perfect hair and coat combination, then backed off. I was too furious to linger, my sexist red mist was causing impaired vision. I’ll just go and ask how much they are.

The perfect early 80’s hair and knitted coat combo.

The assistant was deep in conversation with an associate sitting on the floor, but I politely enquired as to the price of the knitting binders. 50p each. Some mist it did shift. I made a small gesture with my fingers that implied a positive response. She say: “you’re tempted aren’t you?” I say: “more than tempted, I’m ‘avin them”.

They weighed a biblical stone tablet each, it took three trips to get them all to the counter, but my heart was still revving to the power of ten. I said: “I bet you’re glad to see the back of these?” She agreed and told me I was going to be busy. I said: “I haven't got enough life left to make anything in here, I just like to look at the pictures”. She couldn’t comprehend that. I believe she thought I was a bit sad.

Not only could I not have been happier with my complete set of vintage white craft bibles, that someone had so carefully collected one a week every week for 82 weeks starting in 1979 and kept them so beautifully, I had spied am amazing leopard scarf I’ll never make. Plus they had entirely lifted my mist. I took them back to George Michael so I could take the weight off and get to my next location.

A timeless vintage leopard scarf knitting pattern to make you feel warm inside and out.

I sat in the pilot seat of the Mazda’s cockpit and opened “just one” to have a quick look and prepared for take off. We flew from Paisley to Peru to Palestine via Portugal in volume 5 alone. I could feel the heat dropping in my head and the warmth rising in my heart again.

Each chapter came with historical references, brief descriptions and then a pattern showing you how to make it. Who knew at 10 o’clock this morning my favourite word would be “Trapunto”, or that that was the word for ... that…trapuntoing?

Trapunto quilting - my new favourite thing.

My nana was a speed knitter and she was constantly making me something new, clicking away in front of the telly every night, until she started the green polo neck dress. I turned fat so fast when I was eight that by the time she’d finished it I put it on and in true dramatic comedy cabaret style declared myself a pea. That was the end of my knitted dresses. I wish she was still here to make me an ice cream and watermelon jumper though, looks roomy.

Look, craft ain’t just for calming angry women, see Tarquin quilted all over in his martial arts inspired robe, tied tight like a ninja’s knot. Nobody is gonna get in there without a fight.

I can smell Brut splashed all over this.

Personally I prefer a lie down than a fight when it comes to a quilt, or anything for that matter. Can someone please… the lion sleeping bag tonight (or toasty tiger)…and the caterpillar? Thank you.

Snug as a bug in a toasty tiger quilted sleeping bag on a shag pile rug.

I love craft, I think it’s amazing. I’m constantly amazed by the skill and artistry of needleworkers and knitters. I used to make my own clothes when I was younger, I still happily reupholster sofas and make curtains and clothes alterations, but I’m not one of those people who do it to a higher level. I’m happy just to get it done enough for it not to fall apart.

So, inspired by my Busy Needles, I thought I’d knock up some bags to add to my “Song For A Stray Kitty” books merchandise. Thought they’d go well on Etsy. Here is the prototype, only one available, there won’t be any more produced, £15,000, let me know if you’re interested.